Q: What do you call a psychic dwarf that just escaped from prison?
A: A small Medium at large.

What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name.

What do you call a rock group with Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Handel, and Chopin?
The Decomposers.

What do you call a teletubby who’s been robbed?
A tubby

What do you get when a dinosaur has a car accident?
Tyrannosarus wrecks.

What do you get if you cross an octopus with a cow?
An animal that can milk itself.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do you call a lifeguard with no legs?
Bob.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with only three legs?
Lean beef.

What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
A brush with the law.

What do you call a man with sports equipment on his head?
Jim

What do you call a woman with a cat on her head?
Kitty

What do you call a woman with a nut tree on her head?
Hazel

What do you get if you cross a baby with a ufo?
An unidentified crying object.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
A pair of swimming trunks.

What do you call a man who walks through the autumn leaves?
Russell.

What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I’m not going to smell it.

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with 4 leaf clovers?
A rash of good luck!

What do you get when a dinosaur has a car accident?
Tyrannosarus wrecks

What do you call a barber who cuts hair in a library?
A barbarian!!

What do you call a rock group with Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Handel, and Chopin?
The Decomposers.

Q: What do you call a cow that’s just had a baby?
A: Decalfinated

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you call a farmer who used to like farm machinery?
An ex-tractor fan.

What do you call who ate a duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-puss.

What do you call a hippy’s wife?
Mississippi.

What do you call a camel with three humps?
Humphrey.

What do you call a snake who is employed by the government?
A civil serpent.

What do you get if you cross a snake with a set of building blocks?
A boa constructor.

What do you get if you cross a worm with an elephant?
Great big holes in your garden.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A bite in shining armour.

What do you get if you cross a thief with an orchestra?
Robbery with violins.

What do you get if you cross a labrador dog with a tortoise?
You get an animal that goes to the newsagent’s and come back with last weeks newspaper.