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Top Ten Duties Of The Miss America Pageant Runner-Up




10 Sandlbasting mascara off Miss USA winner.

Attending ticker-tape parade for Atlanta Falcons.

Waiting for inevitable moment Miss USA is publicly disgraced in sex scandal.

Serving as U.S. ambassador to Babeland.

Screening all phone calls to Miss USA from President Clinton.

Substituting for Miss USA whenever she is feeling sub-perky.

Posing for that photograph that comes in new picture frames.

Help Miss USA whenever she has to do some heavy tweezing.

Marrying Larry King after he divorces Miss USA winner.

1 Turning the lights out when pageant is over.

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