How to tell when you are spending too much time with your computer:

You start introducing yourself as “lord at pacbell dot net”

Your wife drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like

You check your mail. It says “no new messages”. So you check it again

Your phone bill is delivered in a box

You name your children Eudora, Mozilla, and Dotcom

All of your friends have an @ in their names

You tell the cab driver you live at http://
123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

You tell the kids they can’t use the computer because “Daddy’s got work to do” and you don’t have a job.

You get a tattoo that says “This body best viewed with Netscape
3.01″

You never have to deal with the busy signals because you never log off

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet

You start tilting your head sideways whenever you smile

Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install another phone line so that the two of you can chat

As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the “back” button

Your computer goes down, you haven’t logged in for two hours. You start to tremble. You pick up the phone and dial your Internet access number. You try to mimic computer noise in order to connect.