81 Mario Andretti has retired from race car driving. That’s a good thing. He’s getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on. (Jon Stewart)
82 My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners! (Sarah Silverman)
83 I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world (Steven Wright)
84 A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, theres a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?”
85 Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, youve got it made. (George Burns)
86 After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.. He said, “No hablo ingles.” (Ronnie Shakes)
87 Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he’s snagged an old bottle. As he’s taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. “Turn the lake into beer,” he says. The genie goes “Poof!” and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, “So what do you think?” The other guy says, “You jerk. Now we’ve got to piss in the boat.”
88 My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I dont mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters. (Brian Kiley)
89 I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for member. (Groucho Marx)
90 A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that Id be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I dont get it. How could she do this to me?” “Well,” says the psychiatrist. “Maybe she didnt get your telegram.”
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Posted in: Doctors Jokes, Funny Lists, Funny Quotes, Irish Jokes, Jews Jokes, Lawyers Jokes, Men Jokes, Religion Jokes, Saint Peter Jokes, Sex Jokes, Women Jokes
September 14th, 2008 at 3:53 am #1n0nly-albanian
a man gets on a plane,sitting next to him was a parrot.
when the plane took of an was in the air.the parrot wanted to drink something, so he calls the stewards that help on the plane,and he said”i want a fucking drink”, so the lady gets him a drink.next the man ask for a drink n he was all nice and polite he asks the lady for the a drink tooo.the lady said ok,it will only b a minute.afterwards the parrot wantedsomething to it,he was like”i want fucking this and fucking that”,the lady got him what he wanted,the man ask her wots it takin so long for his drink, the lady said to be paishent,the man waited but the drink neva came.so he started swearing to the lady.the lady said”thats it i had enough of both of you”,so the lady throwed both of them of da plane,the parrot said to the man”can u fly?”,the man was like”no”. the parrot replied”so why u chattin shit?”
December 30th, 2008 at 6:28 pm #sexy bum
they s*ck
April 21st, 2009 at 5:32 pm #Jackie
Those were quite amusing, I’ve heard better. I’m surprised the two people who commented before me understood even one of the jokes. Good for you!
June 17th, 2009 at 3:44 am #gayy
what a gayy c*nt jokes
July 8th, 2009 at 7:54 pm #Michael
There were a few there I hadn’t heard. It’s worth the time..;)
August 16th, 2009 at 12:09 am #Missy
LOL! I needed that : P Anyone would liked these jokes should read the one Watson and Holmes joke… LOVE it haha! Anyway. Thanks for these
September 17th, 2009 at 1:21 pm #JAMES
dis sh*t was lame i can tell a whole bunch of white folks wrote dis sh*t.
latin love
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:29 am #Antionette
dat was sick
October 26th, 2009 at 11:29 pm #not real name
what.. the.. fu ck. dude, DUDE, get a LIFFFEEEEEEEEEE.
December 4th, 2009 at 3:09 pm #Jim
People that use the words DIS and DAT, need to go back to Africa…or where ever you found your “Latin Love” Stupid ebonic douchebags. Learn to speak PROPER ENGLISH. You un-ed-jew-kated pieces of sh*t
December 7th, 2009 at 2:21 am #rob
fuck you jim, you worthless piece of scumbag spineless shit 4 brains
February 6th, 2010 at 7:09 pm #harveywallbanger
Shut the fuck up all of you. Just shut the fuck up.
Some classic jokes here.
If your to fucking dumb or impoverished to comprehend them then check the fuck out of balloon puppetry U and get a fucking education.
March 13th, 2010 at 6:54 am #mick
If we’re talking about education, ‘to fucking dumb’ is wrong you self-imposing knobjockey. Should be ‘too’.
March 18th, 2010 at 6:28 pm #Peter Mokhothu
If there are jokes in this world that are worse than this, I’d like 2 see them. I’m a person who admires miracles.
March 24th, 2010 at 9:56 pm #Meteorological Equipment
I’ve enjoyed reading this page, its wasn’t exactly what I started out to find, as I have been looking for reference material regarding pilot balloons when I saw your weblog site via Bing and google and this excellent blog snared my curiosity.
April 25th, 2010 at 3:56 pm #Does anybody remember laughter? - Relationships -Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - Page 14 - City-Data Forum
[...] Join Date: Aug 2009 5,692 posts, read 1,311,738 times Reputation: 5778 This thread is great!!! Hilarious stuff everyone. TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. ~Jerry Seinfeld[COLOR=blue ! important][COLOR=blue ! important][COLOR=blue ! important][/color][/color][/color] [...]
June 12th, 2010 at 2:20 pm #mousam
the name should be 100 CHUTIYA jokes of all tim
June 13th, 2010 at 7:28 pm #strykass911
I think the replies are as funny as the jokes. Thought I was still reading the jokes for a minute. Wow, reality IS the best comedy
July 1st, 2010 at 1:11 am #happy man:) (not gay:P)
I liked most of these jokes. I just wish people would do the following: 1. quit complaining about stuff you don’t like. If you don’t like it someone does, that’s kind of why it’s here. lol. and 2. that people who speak english, learn it properly. I admire that you’re at least attempting to speak it though. It’s a very hard language to learn, but I bet with a little practice you can master it.
July 1st, 2010 at 6:47 pm #asuul714
These are the best jokes I’ve seen on this site. I fail to see any reason to make racist, sexual, or insulting comments about how bad these jokes may seem; and sentences with four or five swear words in them are not going to make your arguments any more convincing. Also, stop correcting other people’s grammatical errors when you don’t know any grammar yourselves.
July 14th, 2010 at 1:44 am #Rob Elsewhere
Hey Moderator – delete the ignorant ramblings of the uneducated.
Hey “Morons wid ‘tude”, If you don’t like the jokes, move on. Why waste your time writing comments that nobody is going to find:
a. interesting
b. amusing
c. worth taking time to read
Oh, and guys….
… learn English.