Q: How do you get a Swede to sound like a dog?
A: Pour gasoline over the Swede, light a match to it and “woof” up it goes in flames.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead Swede in the road and a dead snake in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
Q: Why did the Swede put condoms on his ears?
A: He wanted to avoid getting hearing aids.
Q: Why did the Swedish woman return the vibrator she bought?

A: She kept on chipping her teeth!
Q: Do you know how to break a Swede’s neck when he is drinking water?
A: Slam the toilet lid down!
Q: Why was the Swede so happy after he finished the jiggsaw puzzle in six months?
A: Because the box said 2 – 4 years.
Q: What did the swede do when he heard that he had sugar in his urine?
A: He urinated in his porridge.
Q: Why isn’t there a roof over the lunatic homes in Sweden?
A: Because if they were to build one, they would have to build a roof over all of Sweden.
Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Swedish geniuses.
Q: Why are Swedes such lousy lovers?
A: Because they sit on the bed side, waiting for the swelling to go down.
Q: Who is the king of Sweden?
A: Tarzan.
Q: What does it take to convince a swede?
A: Two bananas.
Q: What does a swede call Tarzan’s parents?
A: Morzan och Farzan.. (Swedish slang for mother and father)
Q: What do you get if you cross a swede and a gypsy?
A: A car thief who can’t drive.
Q: Why do the swedes always walk in the middle of the road?
A: Because they are afraid of the wild flowers by the side of the road.
Q: What is the similarity between swedes and sperm?
A: Only one in a million becomes something.
Q: Why do the swedes cut holes in their umbrellas?
A: Because they want to see when the rain ends.
Q: Why couldn’t Jesus have been born in Sweden?
A: It’s impossible to find 3 wise men there.
Q: Why do the swedes brush their teeth?
A: Because they don’t want the food to get dirty.
Q: Why do swedes bring sand paper with them when they travel in the desert?
A: Because they need a map.
Q: Why do swedes take so long to wash the cellar windows?
A: Because they have to dig a hole for the ladder first.
Q: Why are swedish lighthouses upside down?
A: Because they want to show the submarines the way.
Q: What do you get if you crossbreed a swede with an ape?
A: Another swede.
Q:What happens to the averageIQ in Norway andSweden if a dumb norwegian movesto Sweden?
A: It increases in both countries.
Q: How do you know when you’re on the Swedish side of the border?
A: Suddenly the cows are better looking than the women.
Q: Why don’t the swedes ever write anything on birthday cakes?
A: They can’t get them into the typewriter.
Q: The difference between a Swede and a pizza?
A: The Swede screams when put in the oven.
Q; How can you spot the swede in a group of Hells Angels?
A: The swede is the one with support wheels on the side of his bike.
Q: What sits in a corner and shrinks?
A: A swede who is licking a cheese-slicer.
Q: What are beautiful women in Sweden called?
A: Tourists.
Q; How can you tell if there are swedes on an oil rig?
A: They are throwing bread up in the air, trying to feed the choppers.
Q: What is the similarity between drinking a Cola and a swede’s laugh?
A: You can’t beat the feeling.
Q: What is the greatest swedish invention?
A: The inflatible dart game.
Q: What do the signs on the turnstiles in sweden say?
A: “Høgst fyra varv.” (Max. 4 rounds)
Q: What is the penalty for suicide in Sweden?
A: Life in prison.
Q: Why do swedes always drink their milk in the store?
A: Because on the packet it says: OPEN HERE.
Q: Why don’t swedes want to sit on the second floor of double-deckerbuses?
A: Because there’s no driver.
Q: Why do swedish grandmothers take birth-control pills?
A: Because they don’t want any grand-children.
Q: Why do swedes whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: Why do swedes always bring a ladder to the store?
A: Because the prices are too high.
Q: Why are swedish jokes getting sillier and sillier?
A: Because the swedes have started to make them up themselves.
Q: Why do swedes always bring a car door with them when they travel inthe desert?
A: Because if it get’s too hot, they can always roll down the window.
Q: Why don’t swedes dine out in the winter?
A: Because it’s so bloody cold outside.
Q: Why do swedes always have some empty soda bottles in the fridge?
A: In case there’s anyone who ain’t thirsty.
Q: Why do swedes always go outside when there’s lightning?
A: Because they think someone is taking pictures of them.
Q: Why do so many swedish navy personnel drown?
A: Because when the engine stops, they all have to get out and push.
Q: What do you call a beautiful swede?
A: Lucky.
Q: Why does the Swedish policemen have, on the front of their caps the text “Roxette” written?
A: Because in Great Britain policemen have “Police”.
Q: How do you get a one armed Swede out of a tree?
A: Wave to them !
Q: What do you do if a Swede tosses a hand granate at you?
A: Pull out the splinter and toss it back!
Q: Why don’t they play hide and seek in Sweden?
A: Who the heck wants to find a Swede?