Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
(that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*)

Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday?
“Freeze a jolly good fellow!”

What does Santa put on his toast?
“Jingle Jam”

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill.  Which one picked it up??
Santa!  The other two don’t exist!

What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him!

What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!

What do the elves call it when Santa claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Santa Jaws!

Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Elephanta Claus!

What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Crisp Kringle!

Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
So he can hide at the North Pole!

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint “Nickel”-less!

What smells most in a chimney?
Santa’s nose!

What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!

What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus!

What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?
Kris Kringle burps!

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
Rapping paper!

What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-”toast”!

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won’t take themselves!

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he’s always in the pole position!

What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
Tyranno-santa Rex!

What’s red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like “rain”, “Dear”!

What’s red and green and flies?
An airsick Santa Claus!

How does Santa take pictures?
With his North “Pole”-aroid!

Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A “Holly” Davidson!

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!

What’s red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!

How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
Stacks!

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Santa Clues!

Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa Paws of course!

As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the
usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a
minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.

Why does Santa have a garden?
So he can HO!HO!HO!

What does Santa Claus do in his garden?
Hoe, hoe, hoe!

My stockings were hanging by the chimney with care,
I’d been wearing them for months and they needed the air.

Did you hear about the family who owned an English pointer
and an Irish setter?
The dogs get together at Christmas time and have pointsetters.

If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get??
Missile toe!

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

What did Santa Claus to all the toys on Christmas Eve?
“Okay everybody! Time to hit the sack!”

Why does Scrooge love all of Santa’s reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

Did Adam celebrate Christmas in the garden of Eden?
Sure, haven’t you ever heard of Christmas Eve?

Where do elves go to vote?
The North Poll.

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

Who likes to drink reindeer milk every morning for breakfast?
A baby reindeer.

If the day before Christmas is called Christmas Eve, what is
the day after Christmas called?
December 26th.

What do they call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

Why does Santa Claus put coal in the stockings of bad little
boys and girls?
Because heating oil would leak out the bottom.

What is a big as Santa but weighs less than a feather?
Santa’s shadow.

Why won’t Santa eat Twinkies?
He would rather eat Ho-Hos.

What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter “Y”.

What happens when a Irish Setter and a Pointer kiss under
the mistletoe?
You get a Pointsetter.

What is red and white and black all over?
Santa Claus covered in ashes.