Encyclopedia of Humor

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.
3. Are your parents siblings?
4. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
5. Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
6. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
7. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
8. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
9. Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
10. Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull?
11. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
12. Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
13. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
14. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.
15. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? Read More…

“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.”
- Victor Borge talking about Mozart

“Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?”
- Freddie Mercury on Billy Idol

“I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me.”
- Gina Lollogrigida on Rock Hudson

“I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.”
- Groucho Marx

“Actually, I never liked Dylan’s kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear.”
- Mick Ronson

“Here lies my wife: here let her lie !
Now she’s at rest and so am I”
- John Dryden on his wife

“If pople don’t sit at Chaplin’s feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.”
- Herman J. Mankiewicz

“He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting ‘Fox’s Book of Martyrs’ in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats.”
- Roger Gellert on John Cleese

“A hyena that wrote poetry in tombs.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche on Dante

“The biggest no-talent I ever worked with.”
- Paul Cohen on Buddy Holly

“The stupid person’s idea of a clever person.”
- Elizabeth Bowen on Aldous Huxley

“It is only too easy to catch people’s attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before.”
- Charivari on Claude Monet

Apologies if this is the incorrect area for this question.

I’ve noticed that as I copy data/install programs on my Laptop, the weight of the Laptop increases. I have a bad back and am medically limited on the amount of weight I can carry so I need to be very carefull not to inflict injury upon myself.

I have also noticed my XBox feels heavier as well (the more games I save or purchase from arcade). I generally don’t travel with my XBox so that is not an issue for me, but note the I am having the same results.

My ask, what is the weight/file ratio? So for example, how many GB’s = 6oz? I dread the day I need a dolly to commute to work with my Laptop.

Thanks in advance!
- K

As seen here.

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?”

David’s father thinks a bit, then says “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”

“Osama Bin Laden,” David says.

“Why Osama Bin Laden,” his father asks in shock.

“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”

His father’s heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.

“David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I know,” David says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him.”