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Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.

“Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?” she asked.

“Yeth.” lisped the farmer.

Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: “Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs.”

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Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?

Why call it a building if it’s already been built?

Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?

If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”

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Posted in: jokes No Comments.

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?

Why call it a building if it’s already been built?

Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?

If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

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A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help.

Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders.

Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction.

The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is obviously in extreme pain. The farm animals are all messed up very badly and the farmer, although remaining inside the vehicle, still suffers cuts and scrapes.

The farmer gets out of the truck and looks at his farm animals.

The chickens all have broken limbs and can barely move. “These chickens are all useless! Nobody will want to buy these chickens anymore!” bellows the farmer. With that, he grabs and loads his shotgun and blows away the chickens.

Next, he sees the pigs and they are all lame and bleeding profusely. “These pigs are all worthless now! I’ll get nothing for them!” yells the farmer. With great rage, the farmer reloads his shotgun and blows away the pigs.

The farmer looks at the sheep and they all have broken limbs and their wool is all bloodied. “Worthless sheep!” screams the farmer and with that, he reloads his shotgun and blows away the sheep.

Meanwhile, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror.

The farmer then moves over to the side of the ditch and looks at the tourist. “Are you okay down there?” asked the farmer.

“NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!” the tourist yelled back.

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