Encyclopedia of Humor

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992′s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.

Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. “Who are they?” he asked.

“Ah,” said Yeltsin, “those are our economists!”

“But I thought this parade was military…” said Clinton, confused.

“Mr. Clinton,” said Gorbachev, “have you SEEN the damage those men can do?”

A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, “Little boy, what are you doing?”

The boy replied, “I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister.”

Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, “Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?”

The boy answered, “Oh no Mister, I can’t make Bill Clinton.”

“But why not?” asked the man.

The boy replied “Well, Mister, there isn’t enough here to make Bill Clinton.”

President Clinton is shaking hands with the voters after being elected for the second time.

“Pleased to meet you,” says one old man, “I’ve heard a lot about you in the past few years.”

Clinton laughs: “You can’t prove any of it!”

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.

Bill: “Why don’t I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy.”

Hillary: “Well, why don’t you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy.”

Al: “Why don’t you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy.”

Tipper: “Why don’t we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy.”

A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, “Little boy, what are you doing?”

The boy replied, “I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister.”

Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, “Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?”

The boy answered, “Oh no Mister, I can’t make Bill Clinton.”

“But why not?” asked the man.

The boy replied “Well, Mister, there isn’t enough here to make Bill Clinton.”