I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. — Dick Martin

I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. — Tynan

I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about ‘short’ and ‘cheap’? — Phyllis Diller

I’ve been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.

If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. — Chekhov

If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children…” – they leave skid marks. — Rita Rudner