“Earlier today, Janet Jackson’s right breast came out, saw its shadow, six more weeks of winter.” —Jay Leno

“Janet Jackson was doing a duet with Justin Timberlake when at the end, he ripped off part of her top, exposing one of her breasts. Kind of ironic, for once, a Jackson getting molested.” —Jay Leno

“The chairman of the FCC announced he’s launching an immediate and swift investigation into what they’re calling ‘Nipplegate.’ … We still have to wait until next year to find out why we went to war with Iraq, but we’ll find out what happened with (Janet Jackson’s) breast probably in 48 hours.” —Jay Leno

“You know who was really mad about that whole incident? President Bush, he was very upset. In fact, today, he accused Janet Jackson of having weapons of mass arousal.” —Jay Leno

“It was quite a Super Bowl show, if you think about it. There was a streaker, Janet Jackson’s breast was exposed and then Kid Rock wore an American flag as a poncho. You know, I’m surprised John Ashcroft’s head didn’t explode.” —Jay Leno

“Janet Jackson is being very contrite and she’s pretending to apologize to everyone who pretended to be offended. I think that works out. But now the official explanation is ‘wardrobe malfunction.’ She’s blaming the whole thing on ‘wardrobe malfunction.’ Former President Clinton is thinking, why didn’t I think of that?” —David Letterman

“I don’t think President Bush is getting this situation. He said, ‘If we don’t set standards of decency, the nipples have won.’” —Craig Kilborn

“CBS said that they may bar Janet Jackson from the Grammy’s. You know, that’s just a case of tit for tat.” —Jay Leno

“The incident was so crass and so sleazy that Fox television is launching their own investigation — why they didn’t do it first.” —Craig Kilborn

“Janet Jackson’s current boyfriend said that Janet is holding up fine, which surprised me, I thought she was starting to sag a little.” —Jay Leno

“I know it wasn’t right but people act like they’re so shocked at seeing a breast at the Super Bowl halftime show. If you watch the show, every commercial is for some kind of impotence drug. They finally show something that might give you a real erection.” —Jay Leno

“After the game, President Bush calls the winning team, he calls the Patriots and listen to this, former President Clinton called Janet Jackson.” —David Letterman