Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe

1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable

2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for ‘Captain EO’

3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean’s son

4. Could really walk on moons

5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith

6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of ‘Beat It’

7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had

8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic

9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet

10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly