The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”

The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.

You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.

A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.

There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat’s head brought into a town office.

Clawson
There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.

Detroit
Alligators may not be tied to fire hydrants.

It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. According to history and animal husbandry, it prevents them from “rooting” in the ground for their food.

Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.

It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.

Grand Haven
No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.

Harper Woods
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.

Kalamazoo
It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.

Rochester
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.

Soo
Smoking while in bed is illegal.

Wayland
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny, until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They’ll do whatever you say, if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?

“I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”

“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But .. what happened to your other ear?”

“The son-of-a-bitch called back.”

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn?t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer?s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I?ll give you $1 million, I?ll keep $1 million, and we?ll send the engineer to Mars.”