Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained: “I have an inferiority complex.”
“Nothing I can do for you”, said the doc.
“In the Army privates don’t have an inferiority complex… they’re just inferior…”

An old man saw a very tired infantryman resting after a hard foot march. The man said with disdain: “When I was of your age I thought nothing of a ten-mile hike.”
“Well, I don’t think much of it either,” replied the GI.

Sunday, November 22, 1992

Researchers at Cornell University recently patented an artificial dog that would speed up the breeding of fleas for lab use.

Previously, the lab required 25 live, severely infected dogs to breed the 12,000 fleas per day needed in studies of humans’ and animals’ allergic reactions to fleas.

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said “To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution.”

The engineer said “No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it.”

The programmer said “I think you’re both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again.”

There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a dance together. When they went into the bathroom to check their makeup, they found an old hag. “I am a witch, and if you look in the mirror and say one rumor that you hear about you, and that rumor is true, then you will get one wish. If it is not true, then you will get sucked into Mirrorland for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?” They all did, and the brunette went first. “I think I am the prettiest girl at school.”
“That is true. Your wish is granted.” And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari.
Then came the redhead. “I think I am the richest girl at school.” “That is true. Your wish is granted.” And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend.
Then came the blonde. “I think…” Before she had a chance to finish, the witch said: “You lie!!” And she was sucked into the mirror.