Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.

Signs are required to be written in English.

You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by “fighting” words.

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

Acworth
All citizens must own a rake.

Atlanta
Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

One man may not be on another man’s back.

Columbus
Can’t cut off a chicken’s head on Sunday.
It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.

Gainesville
Chicken must be eaten with the hands.

Jonesboro
It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy”

Kennesaw
Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.

Marietta
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

St. Mary’s
No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.

Quitman
Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.

It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.

1. The doctor because he says, “Take off your clothes”

2. The dentist because he says, “Open Wide”

3. The hairdresser because he says, “Do you want it teased or blown”

4. The milkman because he says, “Do you want it in the front or in back?”

5. The Interior Decorator because he says, “Once you have it all in, you’ll love it!”

6. The banker because he says,”If you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest”

7. The police officer because he says, “Spread ‘em”

8. The mailman because he always delivers his package.

9. The pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

10. The hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when finally someone noticed and called the cops.

They went round to his flat and broke the door down. They found him dead in the still running shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body. Apparently he’d been washing his hair.

The instructions on the bottle said:

* Wet hair
* Apply shampoo
* Wait 2 minutes
* Rinse
* Repeat

…she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”.

…she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

…she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

…she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DONT WALK”.

…she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

…she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

…she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

…she tried to drown a fish.

…she thought a quarterback was a refund.

…she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

…if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back.

…they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

…under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”

…she tripped over a cordless phone.

…she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

…at the bottom of the application where it says “sign here”.. she put “Sagittarius.”

…she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

…it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

…if she spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless.

…she studied for a blood test …and failed.

…she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

…she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

…she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

…she sold the car for gas money.

…when she saw the “NC-17″ (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

…when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

…she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

…when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

…when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left” she turned around and went home.

How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men)

He does not have a beer gut…
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys)
He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys)

He is not quiet…
He is a Conversational Minimalist.
He is a SAMS grad.

He is not stupid…
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
He is a field grade.

He does not get lost all the time…
He discovers Alternative Destinations.
He gets temporarily misoriented.

He is not balding…
He is in Follicle Regression.
He has a REALLY squared away high and tight.

He is not a cradle robber…
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He is breaking the new fraternization policies.

He does not get falling-down drunk…
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
He practices his IMTs in the club.

He is not short…
He is Anatomically Compact.
He suffers from a Napoleon Complex.

He does not have a rich daddy…
He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.
He has the Army as a hobby.

He does not constantly talk about cars…
He has a Vehicular Addiction.
He must be a Transporter.

He does not have a hot body…
He is Physically Combustible.
He is a PT stud.

He is not unsophisticated…
He is Socially Challenged.
He is a Ranger.

He does not eat like a pig…
He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.
He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut.

He is not a bad dancer…
He is Overly Caucasian.
He is from the Muddy Boots Army.

He does not hog the blankets…
He is Thermally Unappreciative.
He is a Blue Falcon.

He is not a male chauvinist pig…
He has Swine Empathy.
He must be combat arms.

He is not afraid of commitment…
He is Monogamously Challenged.
He loves TDY.