Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.

Top Ten Things The Chinese Have Learned By Examining Our Spy Plane

10. American codes can be broken by anyone with a basic understanding of Pig Latin

9. On-board computers were mainly used for Internet casino video poker

8. According to plaque, “When Bush gives order, nod politely, wait to hear what Cheney says”

7. Cockpit full of Colt 45 bottles

6. Mission was to determine if Chinese people can fly like in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”

5. “Cloaking device” button only there because pilot’s a “Star Trek” fan

4. Maybe not the best idea to write “Spy plane” on wings

3. The plane’s sole security feature: an angry kitty

2. Plane is so high-tech lavatories feature futuristic blue water!

1. Americans smell like Doritos and Aqua Velva

January 12, 1993

Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed “education” as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for “filling fee,” “campain work” and “litature.”

1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.

2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?

3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?

4. Can you believe it! Those shitheads at the corner market won’t cash my welfare check!

5. We’re going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

6. Those home pregnancy kits aren’t very reliable, in my opinion.

7. Sara is so pretty I’ve decided to give up being bisexual just for her.

8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn’t it?

9. There ain’t nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara’s will be okay too.

10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I’m not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.

John gets a call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.

“I’ve got a problem,” says Buffy.

“What’s the matter?” asks John.

“Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”

“What’s the picture of?” asks John.

“It’s of a big rooster,” replies Buffy.

“All right,” says John. “I’ll come over and have a look.”

So he goes over to Buffy’s house and she greets him by saying, “Thanks for coming over.” Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.

John looks at the puzzle and then turns to her and says, “For heaven’s sake, Buffy, put the corn flakes back in the box.”

Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole.

“What made you join the Army?” asked one.

“Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin’ it – a shovelful at a time.”