Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,”Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?”

“Sure that sounds great!” said Julie.

“Well, how much do you want me to pay you?” asked the man.

“Is fifty bucks all right?” Julie asked.

“Yeah, great. You’ll find the paint and ladders you’ll need in the garage.”

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.

“Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?” asked the wife.

“Well, she must, she was standing right on it!” her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.”I’m all finished,” she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.

“You painted the whole porch?”

“Yeah,” Julie replied, “I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!”

The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. “Oh, and by the way,” said Julie, “That’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!

Response from a junior (very junior) sonar watchstander -
“Sonar – Conn, Report all contacts in preparation in coming to periscope depth”
“Conn – Sonar, I hold no contacts – how ’bout you..?”
“Sonar – Conn, Supervisor to the Conn”

QMOW: “Navigator we’re on a course for sea mounts.”
NAV: “Exec we’re heading for shallow water.”
EXEC: ” Captain, we’re running out of water.”
CAPT: “What, no water, …very well, secure the showers.”

February 1, 1993

The Associated Press reported that the village of Sodom, Conn., disappeared, like its biblical namesake.

Though it appears on maps, the AP writer interviewed residents of Sodom Road and the Sodom Corner intersection, both hallmarks of the village of Sodom, and discovered that everyone claims now to live in North Canaan.

In case you missed the article, someone once found a condom in a McDonald’s hamburger.

10. We were test marketing the new “McTrojan”

9. Condom, Condiment – what’s the damn difference

8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe

7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake

6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true

5. We’re experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal

4. So what – a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway

3. Employees too embarrassed to say “Would you like condoms with that”

2. Drive-thru speaker broken- “Coke with lots of ice” sounded like “Prophylactic device”

1. When you’re serving billions and billions, you can’t be too careful.

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are…very slowly?”

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.