Two men walked into a bar.

You would think at least one of them would have ducked.

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.

The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”

Old programmers never die, they just abend.

On a beautiful day like this, it’s hard to believe anybody can be unhappy; but we will work on it.

On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes will never decrease.

One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.

One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. – Elbert Hubbard

One of the greatest labor-saving inventions today is tomorrow.

One of those days? I have one of those lives.

One seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.

Top reasons to study Economics

1. Economists are armed and dangerous: “Watch out for our invisible hands.”

2. Economists can supply it on demand.

3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.

4. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.

5. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.

6. If you rearrange the letters in “ECONOMICS”, you get “COMIC NOSE”.

7. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.

8. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.

9. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.

THIS IS A FLAME

Dear

[x] dork [ ] dummy [ ] ignorant snot [ ] stupid [ ] nerd [ ] Elvis
[x] idiot[ ] computer geek [ ] retard [ ] sycophant [ ] Samuel Stoddard

You are being flamed because

[x] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[x] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you posted a “test”
[ ] you used vi and left a whole bunch of editing garbage on the screen
[ ] you posted a request for an article which was posted three times in the
past week
[ ] you claimed to have the original GGBJ
[ ] you posted some sort of religious junk that doesn’t belong in this group
[x] you posted an article that was not funny, unoriginal and very boring
[x] your mother dresses you funny

To recant, you must

[x] actually post a humorous article
[ ] give up all your worldly possessions and become a Tibetan monk
[ ] hang yourself by the big toe for 72 hours
[x] abstain from sex for a month (shouldn’t be too hard for you)
[ ] shave your head, paint a target on it, and go to Iraq
[ ] give your MP (Congressman in U.S.A., I guess) a donation of three hemp
plants to decorate his office
[ ] become politically correct and demand that manholes be renamed to
peroffspringopenings
[ ] cut your testicles (or breasts, if you’re a woman) off
[ ] _________________________________________________

Thank you for the time you have taken to read this, and please detest from
the offending behavior that led to this flame. Also, GO AWAY!

END FLAME