10. X-Ray vision: for checking out what the other gender jedi were hiding under their robes. Banned by Yoda (something to do with small-man’s complex).

9. Super-Complaino-Power: the ability to complain one’s way out of any tough situation (see Luke Skywalker)

8. Insect Repellant: ability to generate an insect repelling force field

7. Rejection Perception: ability to see if opposite gender will reject or accept a dinner date proposal before the proposal is made (this way, the studly line, “you could use a good kiss,” would be met with something other than, “I’d just as soon kiss a wookie.”

6. Coffee Warming Power: ability to warm a cup of coffee with hands (or other small snack items sorta like a microwave).

5. Ability-to-see-sith-coming-out-of-thousand-year-hiding-and-start-taking-over -galaxy-power: (see TPM)

4. Ewok-Exploding-Power: deemed too close to the good side/bad side borderline for universal use.

3. Nookie-stamina-increasing-power: really tried on this one, ladies, and is still in development today. requires lots of practice with a willing partner…

2. Extra-sensory-clitoral-proximity-locating-power: (goes with three) ‘been trying for THOUSANDS of years on this one, ladies, and haven’t given up yet, rest assured. Your urgent requests have kept it at #2 again. It remains one of the great mysteries of the Galaxy. In fact, its probably because so much jedi mental resource was being used to develop this power that #4 failed. Could be, you never know! Stop throwing stuff at me!

1. Bad-joke-protection

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains” I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500!.” Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer: “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: “Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men.”

“What is it?” the officer got interested.

“Two hundred soldiers.”

January 12, 1993

Long Beach police arrested two small, skinny men in October and charged them with stealing six 45-pound barbells from the Buffum-Downtown YMCA.

The men were struggling to keep the barbells in a small cart that kept tipping over because they were not strong enough to steer it.

Top Ten Scenes Taken Out of The Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition

10. Tauntaun and Hoth Wampa rendition of The Ice Capades.

9. Luke, Obi-Wan, C3PO, R2-D2, and the Jawas singing “Follow The Yellow Brick Road.”

8. The Modal Nodes replaced in the Mos Eisley Cantina with GWAR.

7. Englebert Humperdink singing with The Max Rebo Band. (maybe he got fed to the Rancor?)

6. Eric Estrada and Larry Wilcox as a couple more Biker Scouts in ROTJ. (this is CHIPS for those who don’t remember that far back in the ’80′s)

5. Snowball fight amongst the Rebels on Hoth.

4. Spaceball I making a cameo appearance amongst the Imperial Fleet.

3. Grand Moff Tarkin hosting a poker game on the Death Star.

2. Bob Denver aka Gilligan as the second in command of the Executor.

1. Instead of letting of fireworks, the X-Wings in ROTJ decide to strafe the living hell out of the Ewok village.