Reasons The 80′s Were A Cooler Time To Grow Up Than The 90′s

10) MTV actually played videos in the 80′s.

9) There were only one kind of Nike tennis shoes (white with a red swish), and they didn’t cost $125.

A comb in your back pocket is more practical and less painful than a ring through your nose.

7) In the 80′s playing video games actually meant going out to DO something.

6) In the 80′s, when you were out partying, you didn’t have to worry about your Mom calling you on your cell.

5) In the 80s we didn’t have to worry about getting our heads blown off at school — unless you put a whole pack of Pop Rocks in your mouth and drank a coke.

4) Debbie Gibson vs. Britney Spears. New Kids on the Block vs. NSync. New Edition vs. Hanson. OK, that one’s a draw.

3) In the early 80′s there were kids in your high school who could BUY ALCOHOL LEGALLY.

2) Feathered hair was easier to care for than dreadlocks.

1) In the 80′s you didn’t have to worry about your pants falling down all the time.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it’s curtains!

Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. — Rich Little

Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other’s character before marriage, which is never advisable. — Oscar Wilde

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

Man and wife make one fool.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.

The explanation of a disaster will be made by a stand-in.

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

The first myth of management is that it exists; the second myth of management is that success equals skill.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all of the parts.

Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.

It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.

No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Repealed)

It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.

Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.

Colorado Springs
It is permissable to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.

Crippe Creek
It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.

Denver
You may not drive a black car on Sundays.

It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.

It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.

The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.

Durango
It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes “unbecoming” on one’s sex.

Logan County
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

Pueblo
It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.

Sterling
Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.

10. When arguing Star Wars against Star Trek, you use the words ‘Star Trek Sissy Boys’ at least 15 times.

9. You believe President Clinton should increase its budget. (I’m sorry, wrong Star Wars!)

8. At a Star Wars collectibles convention, you purchase Gammorean Guard saliva.

7. You waste your time writing Star Wars Top Ten lists. (no comment)

6. You foolishly believe that Lucas will ACTUALLY make more Star Wars movies, when you know he’s just saying that so people will buy the new Star Wars merchandise and books, then in a year he’ll give his famous ‘I don’t feel like it’ speech.

5. You would feed yourself to the rancor if it meant finding out the name of Anakin’s wife.

4. You’d actually want a copy of that lousy Star Wars holiday special.

3. You stick up for Mark Hamill even when you know he’s a bad actor.

2. You shell out 10 bucks for a magazine that describes the planet Tatooine.

1. You have recurring nightmares about Episodes 1-3 being about a dysfunctional family of Ewoks.