Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

3. Remember: “Y’all” is singular, “All y’all” is plural, and “All y’alls’” is plural possessive.

4. Get used to hearing “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

5. You may hear a Southerner say “Oughta!” to a dog or child. This is short for “Y’all oughta not do that!” and is the equivalent of saying “No!”

6. Don’t be worried about not understanding what people are saying; they can’t understand you, either.

7. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective “big ol’,” as in “big ol’ truck ” or “big ol’ boy.” Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

8. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

9. Be advised that “He needed killin’” is a valid defense here.

10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim “Hey, y’all, watch this,” stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.

11. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

12. When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

Britney Spears, Pete Wentz and Akon were in an elevator and somebody farted. Pete said it wasn’t him, Akon said it wasn’t him so Britney sang oops. The next day all 3 of them were in an elevator and somebody farted and it wasn’t pete or Akon. It was Britney so she sang “oops I did it again”.

The Great Photos of the Day are not funny, well .. not all the time. But they can get you to smile. And make you think. Guaranteed.

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, “What are you going to do with the money?”

“Take jewelry to city and sell it,” said the old man.

“What have you got for collateral?” queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

“Don’t know of collateral.”

“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?”

“Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup.”

The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?”

“Yes, I have a horse.”

“How old is it?”

“I don’t know; it has no teeth.”

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here’s the money to pay loan,” he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

“What are you going to do with the rest of that money?”

“Put it in my pocket.”

“Why don’t you deposit it in my bank?” he asked.

“I don’t know of deposit.”

“Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.”

The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, “What you got for collateral?”

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: “Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!” The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back – once again, with the smoke:

“OK, chief, but why so much ?”

At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky… The tribe signals:

“Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?”