The engine’s being held on by duct tape.

You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.

In-flight movie has “Ernest” in its title.

Pilot informs you that you’re at cruising altitude and he’s gonna put the top down.

Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.

As you’re taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase “Guest Pilot Program”

The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.

The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club…”she” has a beard and bigger arms than you!

Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.

You look down and see a copy of “Fixing a Plane for Dummies” by the mechanic’s feet!!!

Q: Why don’t blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can’t remember the number.

Q: Why don’t blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: She can’t find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: “What’s a lightbulb?”

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!”

Q: How do you get rid of blondes?
A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”

“Throw out an anchor, sir,” the student replied.

“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”

“Throw out another anchor, sir.”

“And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?” asked the captain.

“Throw out another anchor, sir.”

“Hold on,” said the captain. “Where are you getting all those anchors from?”

“From the same place you’re getting your storms, sir.”

It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Dubuque
Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.

Indianola
The “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned.

Fort Madison
The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.

Marshalltown
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants

Ottumwa
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

10) Making prank “heavy breathing” phone calls

9) Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding “Guess who?”

Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits

7) Genealogy

6) Using the force to learn to juggle

5) Mortal Kombat 5436

4) Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship

3) Late nights with a pain droid

2) Sending anonymous love-notes to Mon Mothma

1) Checking Imperial Deli to see if they’ve named a sandwich after him yet