The Top 10 Things To Do While Confined In A Space Station

Roll down the window and throw beer cans at passing satellites.

Play some rather boring games of Solitaire.

Try to bust that myth of Lays Potato Chips: Betcha Can’t Eat Just One!

Come up with as many wacky Top 10 List Topics as possible so Top 10 Boy will have work to do into the New Year.

When the NASA camera is off, dance around to “Blue Jean” by David Bowie while wearing just your space helmet.

Do what everyone else does, write out all of your postcards..mail them when you get home.

Don’t move, don’t touch anything and if you break something, know that you will be blamed mercilessly for it and shunned by society to a Gulag in a remote part of Northern Siberia (Russian Space Station only).

Access www.spacebabes.com on NASA’s computer instead of doing those meaningless space experiments.

Call Martian Escort Service..hope like hell they take American Express.

Watch All of Pauly Shore’s movies…try to find examples of humor, plot and a reason for making it.

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. –Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. — S. T. Coleridge

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. — James Holt McGavran

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
Whenever you’re right, shut up. — Nash

Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.

Some see things as they are and ask ‘why?’; I dream of things that never were and ask ‘why not?’” – George Bernard Shaw

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

Sometimes I think we are alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we are not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

Sometimes you’re the bird, and sometimes you’re the windshield.

Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.

Stay in with the outs.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry.

We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet.

After we contacted a fast food chain’s web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: “Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days.”

Its named Heaven’s Waiting Room.

Cheap TV antenna can’t pick up Xena: Warrior Princess.

Defibrilator doubles as a remote control.

Its named Matlock Manor.

No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets.

Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man.

You can’t ring a nurse but you can page the attorney’s office down the hall.

Rectal thermometers made of wood.

Two words: Community Bedpan.