Geez, what died in here?

He looks natural but those shoes do not go with that dress.

Nice service…where’s the keg?

When did he die…really…hey Bob, you won the pool!!!

Hey, we’re with the Publisher Clearing House Prize Patrol and we’re looking for…oh, never mind.

Don’t look now Fred but you and the deceased have the exact same suit on.

You know they touched that body up cause that shark has one of them legs.

Not to cause panic or anything but something is leaking out of that casket.

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she says. “Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in.”

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: “That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

The following is supposedly a true story relating to a United States shipping company.

THE U.S. shipping company had a new ship built. It was to be the pride of the fleet, and something special was wanted to decorate the captain’s saloon, a large living room/office where the vessel’s business and entertaining would take place.

Someone suggested that a set of nautical prints would lend a nice touch. He knew of a shop in London that specialized in such things, and the prints were ordered and hung in the saloon.

It was not until the trial run of the vessel, when both the builder’s and the owner’s representatives were aboard, that someone looked closely at the prints. Each was of an American ship being captured by, or surrendering to, a British warship during the War of 1812.

Peter’s Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

Pudder’s Law: Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of Pudder’s law is not true.)

Putt’s Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.

Putts-Brooks Law: Adding manpower to a late technology project only makes it later.

Quigley’s Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it.

Ralph’s Observation: It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realise that you are in a hurry. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.

Reisner’s Rule of Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you’ll never have to do it.

The Top 10 Superheroes Needed To Fight Cybercrime

Inspector Gadget

Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons

Captain America On Line

The Wonder Barbi Twins

The Silver Surfer

The XXX Men(they handle strictly cyber porn)

Up in the sky, wearing glasses, a big letter E on his chest and a “Nets”cape, its Bill Gates as GEEKMAN!!!

DBase Ventura

Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby with the Mystery Machine( Jinkies, there goes another hacker!!)

Who else knows the web better than Spiderman???