Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again.

Do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

Lieberman’s Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.

Logg’s Rebuttal to Gray’s Law: ‘n+1′ trivial tasks take twice as long as ‘n’ trivial tasks.

Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Lynch’s Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Manly’s Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Mason’s First Law of Synergism: The one day you’d sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

May’s Law: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)

Don’t go up to your boss and make the comparison of him with Santa because he’s fat, jolly and only works one day out of the year.

Don’t put your boss in a sleeper hold just to bargain for a better salary.

Don’t offer anyone a hit from your Egg-Nog funnel.

Don’t call your best client and tell him how much you fudged his books by just so you could throw this party in the first place.

Don’t chase the secretary around with mistletoe and an eggbeater.

Don’t tell your boss that you’re the one that runs the company.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “rings”:
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

Q: How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A: Other lawyers look interested.

Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?
A: Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors.

Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school?
A: Now she’s a loan shark.

Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
A: Law school.

Q: How do you define double jeopardy?
A: When a lawyer calls in her partner.

Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A: All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it.

Q: What’s worse than pleading guilty to murder?
A: Getting jail time and getting robbed–hiring an attorney to defend you.

Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.