Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.

Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace automation.

Pick good people; talent never wears out.

Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition!

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.

Producing a system from a specification is like walking on water; it’s easier if it’s frozen.

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Johnson’s Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.

Kramer’s Law: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Larkinson’s Law: All laws are basically false.

The Last One’s Law Of Program Generators: A program generator creates programs that are more “buggy” than the program generator.

Law Of The Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

The Law Of The Too Solid Goof: In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking contain the errors. Corollary 1: No one you ask for help will see the error either. Corollary 2: Any nagging intruder, who stops by with unsought advice, will spot it immediately.

Robert E. Lee’s Truce: Judgement comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgement.

The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The “How Do I Look” Question

“That’s a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago.”

“I ain’t seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town.”

“Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind.”

“Ssshhh, the games on right now..go look in the mirror, that’s what its there for!!”

“Oh man, I’m gonna lose my lunch.”

“Like the girl I was with yesterday.”

“Like someone in dire need for some liposuction.”

“Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend.”

“How can I put this…MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, “You’ve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!”

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake’s body for a few minutes, he asserted, “Well, you’re scaly, you’re slimy, you’ve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you’ve got a forked tongue. I think you’re a lawyer!”