Pluto’s “accident” on Deck 3

Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.

Exterminator killed off “rat” problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie’s cousins.

Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.

Charo kept showing up.

The Beast from “Beauty and the Beast” kept eating the midnight buffet.

The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the “You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride” Requirements.

Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.

Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.

New hires Doc,Isaac,and Gopher quit days before launch,citing that this job is not as “exciting and new” as their last one.

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we aren’t going to know when to take off!”

People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.

People who think they know everything upset those of us who do.

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

People will buy anything that is one-to-a-customer.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.

Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Gumperson’s Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

H. L. Mencken’s Law: Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Martin’s Extension: Those who cannot teach, administrate.

Hacker’s Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind’s oldest illusions.

Hall’s Laws of Politics: 1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending. 2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed. 3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts).

Hanlon’s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Hanson’s Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

Harp’s Corollary To Estridge’s Law: Your “IBM PC-compatible” computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment.

Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.

His restrooms are labeled “Bleeders” and “Non-Bleeders”

Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.

Does an extensive search for cavities…dental and body.

He…ummm..licks his tools clean.

Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.

When you come to from being under the gas, he’s quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.

Wears a necklace made of human teeth.

Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.

Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he’ll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.