Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Other people’s tools work only in other people’s gardens.

Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.

Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. – Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist

People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.

People do not change, they only become more so.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse.

Goebel’s Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn’t worth doing.

Goebel’s Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.

Goebel’s Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.

Goebel’s Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you’re going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.

Goebel’s Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don’t have a chance of seeing it before that time.

Goebel’s Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.

Goebel’s Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?

“Scream” suite which becomes vacant quickly.

Hotel pool never gets used due to menacing music and one lone fin circling at all times.

Marv Albert has reservations for “The Crying Game” floor.

More suicide jump precautions on the Pauly Shore floor than anywhere else.

No one takes a shower on the “Psycho” floor

Pee-Wee Herman as a tour guide…YIKES

No buttons on the elevator to the Star Wars floor…just use the Force.

Room service involves Shannon Tweed and George Clooney.

Wake up call on Stallone floor is “Yo, Adrian!”

“Showgirls” floor booked until 2010..by Congress.

Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.