Folks came from afar just to see
Two Economists who’d agreed to agree.
While the event did take place,
It proved a disgrace;
They agreed one plus one adds to three.

A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light.

First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them out and curses as he goes by. Finally in the last lane a truck swerves and barely misses them.

After they reach the far corner the blind man reaches in his pocket and pulls out a cookie and offers it to the guide dog. At this point another person who has watched the entire episode interrupts asking why he was rewarding the dog after the dog had endangered his life and almost got him run over by a car, bicycle and truck.

The blind man responded: “I’m not rewarding him, I’m just trying to find out which end is his head so I can kick him in the ass.”

Cropp’s Law: The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Bo Diddeley’s Observation On The Law: Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.

Bolub’s Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Deadline-Dan’s Demo Demonstration: The higher the “higher-ups” are who’ve come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

Demian’s Observation: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”.

DeVries’s Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.

Dr. Caligari’s Comeback: A bad sector disk error occurs only after you’ve done several hours of work without performing a backup.

Economic computer viruses

INTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS – Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS – Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of

POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS – Doesn’t do anything, but you can’t get rid of it until next election.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS – nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine.

MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS – Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS – Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened.

MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS – It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in “self-defense.”

CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS – Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION ECONOMIST VIRUS – Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.

SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMIST VIRUS – Puts your computer to sleep for four years. When your computer wakes up, you’re trillion more dollars in debt.

NEW ECONOMY VIRUS – Also known as the “Tricky Dick Virus.” You can wipe it out, but it always makes a comeback.

ENVIRONMENTAL ECONOMIST VIRUS – Before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you’ve considered the alternatives.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: “I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer.” (Training stresses that we are “not the Software Police,” so I let the little act of piracy slide.)

Tech Support: “Umm-hmm. What happened?”

Customer: “As I put each disk in it turns out they weren’t initialized.”

Tech Support: “Do you remember the message exactly, ma’am?”

Customer: (proudly) “I wrote it down. ‘This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it’?”

Tech Support: “Er, what happened next?”

Customer: “After they were initialized all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can’t read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?”