A lawyer’s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”

“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

Don’t bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.

Don’t blame me; nobody asked my opinion.

Don’t do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.

Don’t force it, get a bigger hammer.

Don’t get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.

Don’t lend people money…it gives them amnesia.

Don’t let your mouth write no check that your tail can’t cash. – Bo Diddley

Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you.

Don’t make your doctor your heir.

Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy!

Don’t permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.

When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.

When someone says this is as bad as it can get, don’t bet on it.

When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.

When you don’t have an education, you’ve got to use your brains.

When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.

When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.

When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally.

Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit. Boris says to Bill, “Bill, you know, I have a big problem. I don’t know what to do about it. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don’t know which one.”

“Not a big deal Boris, I’m stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it’s never the same one.”

WinErr 001: Windows loaded – System in danger

WinErr 002: No Error – Yet

WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every file

WinErr 004: Erroneous error – Nothing is wrong

WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted – System confused

WinErr 006: Malicious error – Desqview found on drive

WinErr 007: System price error – Inadequate money spent on hardware

WinErr 008: Broken window – Watch out for glass fragments

WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered – God knows what has happened

WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow – Mailbox full

WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space – Free at least 50MB

WinErr 00C: Memory hog error – More Ram needed. More! More! More!

WinErr 00D: Window closed – Do not look outside

WinErr 00E: Window open – Do not look inside

WinErr 00F: Unexplained error – Please tell us how this happened

WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers

WinErr 011: Window open – Do not look outside

WinErr 012: Window closed – Do not look inside

WinErr 013: Unexpected error – Huh ?

WinErr 014: Keyboard locked – Try anything you can think of.

WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error – System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old Windows license is not valid anymore

WinErr 019: User error – Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!

WinErr 01A: Operating system overwritten – Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.

WinErr 01B: Illegal error – You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.

WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error – Uncertainty may be inadequate.

WinErr 01D: System crash – We are unable to figure out our own code.

WinErr 01E: Timing error – Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.

WinErr 020: Error recording error codes – Additional errors will be lost.

WinErr 042: Virus error – A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.

WinErr 079: Mouse not found – A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow – Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.

WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

WinErr 683: Time out error – Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.

WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory – Only 50,312,583 Bytes available