A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.

Finally he said, ‘ OK see that big mountain over there?’

‘Yes’, answered the others eagerly.

‘Well, according to the map, we’re standing on top of it.’

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

“Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.

“Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

“You’re under 18,” replies the barman

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting

8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles

7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?

6. Get rid of all those creepy “Richard Simmons Wants You” posters

5. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24 hours a day

4. Superiors may now be addressed as “Dude”

3. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center

2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island

1. New slogan “Army of One” replaces “Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!”

Two monologues do not make a dialogue.

Two rules to success in life: 1. Don’t tell people everything you know.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break.

Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is dumb.

Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.

Urgency varies inversely with importance.

Usefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation for being useful.

Virtue is its own punishment.

Wasting time is an important part of living.

If you do some acrobatics
with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.
If your idea’s not defensible
don’t make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out,
and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.

Your must talk of GNP
and of elasticity
of rates of substitution
and undeterminate solution
and oligonopopsony.