Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs?
A: The Dallas Cowboys

Q: How many players did the Cowboys dress for their last game?
A:
22. The rest dressed themselves.

Q: What’s Jerry Jones’ biggest concern?
A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who’s driving?
A: The police.

Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known Felons.

I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.

The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on “grass”.

The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new “Honor System”. Yes, your Honor, No, your Honor.

The Cowboys had a 8 and 8 season this year. 8 arrests, 8 convictions.

The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator; Johnny Cochran.

Q: What’s the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: Eventually the baby stops whining.

A woman in Dallas calls
911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her “Just get the guy’s jersey number and we’ll get back to you.”

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, “I’d give anything to sink this next putt.”

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?”

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, “Okay,” and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, “Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.”

The same stranger moves to his side and says, “Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?”

The golfer shrugs and says, “Sure.” He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, “Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?”

The golfer says, “Certainly!” He makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, “You know, I’ve really not been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life.”

“Nice to meet you,” says the golfer. “My name’s…
Father O’Malley!”

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

“Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Viciou Animal,” he starts writing in his notebook.
“But I’m not a Giants fan,” the little hero replied.

“Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were.” said the reporter and starts again.
“Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack” he continued writing in his notebook.
“I’m not a Jets fan either,” the boy said.

“I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets.
“What team do you root for?” the reporter asked.
“I’m a Cowboys fan.” the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
“Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet!”

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?” “Reading my book,” she replies as she thinks to herself, “Is this guy blind or what?” “You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her. “But, Officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that?” “But you have all this equipment, Ma’am. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.” “If you do that, I will charge you with rape,” snaps the irate woman. “I didn’t even touch you,” grouses the sheriff. “Yes, that’s true … but you have all the equipment …”

Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.