Two guys are out hunting deer…

The first guy says, “Did you see that?…pointing to the sky.”
“No,” the second guy says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!” the first guy says.
“Oh,” says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, “Did you see that?”
“See what?” the second guy asks.
“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!”
“Yah, Ok”, says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice.

A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”
This time pointing behind them.

By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, “Yah, I SAW IT!”

And the first guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”

Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.

The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend – “Hey, why don’t you try this ball.” He draws a green golf ball out of his bag.
“Use this one – You can’t lose it!”

His friend replies, “What do you mean you can’t lose it?!!”
The first man replies, “I’m serious, you can’t lose it.

If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.”

Obviously, his friend doesn’t believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, “Wow! That’s incredible! Where did you get that ball?”

The man replies, “I found it.”

(Think about it… it’ll come to you

A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.

When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, “I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip.”

When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, “Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband’s “club”. When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.” She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards.

The golf pro says to the woman, “That is unbelievable, I didn’t think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem…
How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?”

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said: “You’ve got two choices.
I either maul you to death or we have rough sex.”

Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.

There was another tap on his shoulder.

This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly says: “That was a huge mistake, Frank. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex.”

Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear says:
“Admit it, Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

I was playing golf with my doctor friend one day.
He ALWAYS hit his drives right down the middle of the fairway.
My problem was that I ALWAYS hooked my ball completely off the fairway.

I asked him for help, and he offered to give me a physical to see if he could determine the problem.

Sure enough, he said that I had three times the “normal length” of the average male, which caused an anomaly in my swing that caused me to hook.

I asked him to help me, and he agreed to do surgery — provided that I didn’t play golf for four weeks. I agreed. Golf is just that important to me.

Four weeks later, new body and all, I teed off on the first hole and drove the ball 270 yards right down the middle. Feeling elated, I thanked the doctor.

Then I asked him what had become of the “rest” of me.

He just smiled, teed his ball, then hit it…
and watched it duck hook two fairways away…