Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey?
A: There’s a ‘face-off’ in the corner.

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,”You’re not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

So, how did you break YOUR leg??”

Why do girls have to where a cup when they skydive?

So they dont whistle!

A Chicago man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says “sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The man says, “No problem. I’m from Chicago.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just fine.

“No problem…just like Chicago in June,” the man says.

So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago man is doing.

The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable.
“No problem. Just like Chicago in July,” the man says.

So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems OK.

He says, “no problem. Just like Chicago in August.”

Now the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (meaning Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland.

When he goes back now to see how the Chicago man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, and cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what’s going on.
To which the Chicago man replies…..

“THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!”
“THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!”

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner.!”

The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”