A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred.

The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?”

“No,” he replied. “I’ve never done either.”

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with women?” inquired the doctor.

“No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”

“Well, then,” said the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems. The others agreed.

Then one said, Since we are all professionals, why dont we take some time right now to hear each other out?
The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.

The second psychiatrist said, I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.

The third followed with, Im involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, I know Im not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I cant keep a secret…