When design engineers get together they often talk about football.

When Middle management meet, they talk about tennis.

When top management meet they talk golf.

Conclusion: The higher you climb in the corporate ladder the smaller your balls become.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: “I should be in charge, because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”

“I should be in charge,” said the heart, “because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you’d all waste away.”

“I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy.”

“I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal.”

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don’t have to be smart or important to be in charge… just an asshole.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that is not feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!

TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I’m concerned.

INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I’m not sure I can implement this.

INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won’t work.

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?

INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the problem.

INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at this moment.

INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.

INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.

INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don’t think this will be a problem.

INSTEAD OF: I really don’t give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He’s a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck are you doing?