Q: Why was Roger Clinton’s wedding delayed 5 days?
A: The bride’s father had to wait 5 days to buy the shotgun.

Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike?
A: They are millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not finishing what they had started.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Atlantic?
A: To attend D-Day celebrations.

Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean?
A: A man without a clue.

Q: How did we know long before the Haiti invasion that Clinton was planning to go to war?
A: He visited Oxford.

Q: How is Bill Clinton like an unemployed school teacher?
A: No class and no principals.

Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and a pickpocket?
A: A pickpocket snatches watches.

Q: What does Hillary have in common with the city of Buffalo?
A: They both have Bills that are losers.

Q: Why does the Clinton administration want to reinvent government?
A: They are having a lot of trouble dealing with the existing form…democracy.

Q: Who should Clinton have used to overthrow Haiti’s military?
A: John Elway.

Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

Q: Why does Hillary think her husband is a model president?
A: Because a model is a small imitation of the real thing.

Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with Gerald Ford?
A: They both became president without being elected.

Q: What’s the difference between the Waco ATF and Bill Clinton?
A: BIll Clinton burned 260,000,000 people.

Q: What is the difference between Clinton’s health care plan and a kidney stone?
A: A kidney stone is easier to pass.

Q: What is the difference between Hitler and Bill Clinton?
A: Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches.

Q: What is the difference between the U.S. and the former USSR?
A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power.

Q: What does Clinton need to stop the white water?
A: A water gate.

Q: Why are they renaming Arkansas Highway 50 the “Bill Clinton Highway?”
A: The road is crooked, slick, and has a yellow stripe down the middle.

Q: What do Hillary Clinton and the Dallas Cowboys have in common?
A: They both dominate Bills.

Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons?
A: The Conners own their own home.

Q: What is the difference between Whitewater and Watergate?
A: No one died in Watergate.

Q: What is Hillary’s new nickname after her latest hairstyle?
A: Oldielocks.

Q: What are the administration’s favorite words in foreign policy?
A: We have not ruled out military force.

Q: What would one get with a donation to Rostenkowski’s legal fund?
A: A free stamp.

Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for Clinton?
A: He can’t give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

Q: Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, or Bill Clinton?
A: Gonorrhea–it can be cured.

Q: Why were the Clintonites pushing the BTU Tax?
A: Because they could spell it.

Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called?
A: The whine cellar.

Q: Why aren’t Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House?
A: There is White-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers?
A: There is writing on the White-out.

Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: How is Bill Clinton like a passive-restraint device?
A: He is a bag of air that is not on the driver’s side.

Q: How is Bill like a character actor?
A: When he shows character, he’s acting.

Q: What is Hillary’s favorite holiday?
A: Summer Solstice.

Q: What do you get when you give Bill Clinton a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton with a gorilla?
A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Q: What is Clinton’s favorite war song?
A: “Over Here”

Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death?
A: He came dressed as a two-term president.

Q: Why is Perot’s wife glad he didn’t get elected?
A: If he won, they would have to move to a smaller house in a bad neighborhood.

Q: What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals?
A: They all make a living by lying to people.

Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide?
A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Q: Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown?
A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown.

Q: What do a Wendy’s Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?
A: They were both cooked by a guy named “Dave”.

Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?
A: A competent liberal President.

Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up?
A: “Good morning, Bill.”

Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years?
A: Unite the Republican Party.

Q: Why did Clinton waffle on military action in Bosnia?
A: His area of expertise is dodging armed conflict.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb?
A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers.

Q: When did Clinton’s friends become sure that he had political ambitions?
A: When he married outside of his family.

Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents?
A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis?
A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.

Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton?
A: Because he filed as head of the household.

Q: How is Clinton’s health care reform a lot like his haircut?
A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.

Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Q: Why is Chelsea growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.

Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade?
A: The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president’s spouse, Bill Clinton.

Q: How has Clinton made his cabinet look more like America?
A: Many of them have sixth grade reading levels.

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.

Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?
A: He’s the stiff one.

Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore’s life?
A: Grade six.

Q: If Rodham gets health care, Bentsen gets treasury, and Aspin gets defense, what does Gore get?
A: Coffee.

Q: What will Bill’s favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect?
A: Everything’s $100.

Q: What was the real purpose of Bill’s college visit to Moscow?
A: To study economics.

Q: What is Clinton’s plan to create thousands of small businesses?
A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.

Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea’s new private school?
A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.

Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.

Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
A: To promote off-shore drilling.

Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin?
A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war.