Why does Clinton play the saxophone?

‘Cause he can no longer play with his ‘hore-monica!

TRAFFIC JAM

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing’s even moving.”

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, “Excuse me, Officer, what’s the hold up?”

The Officer replies, “The President just found out Starr has delivered another report to Congress and he’s all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he’s threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn’t have the $
33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him”.

“Oh really? How much have you collected so far?” “I’ve got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three hundred gallons.”

What’s the difference between greeting royalty and greeting President Clinton?

You only go down on one knee to greet royalty!

Why is the White House called the White House?

Answer: Sperm ain’t purple!

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees “The President Must Die” written in urine across the snow.

Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff’s HQ, and yells “Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! The guy had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!”

The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers “Well, don’t just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!”

The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says “Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some REALLY bad news. Which do you want first?”

Clinton says “Give me the bad news first.”

The officer says “Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it.

The results just came back, and it was Al Gore’s urine.”

Clinton says “I feel so… so… betrayed! My own vice president!

…Well, what’s the REALLY bad news?”

The officer replies “Well, it’s Hillary’s handwriting.”