A son asks his father, “What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.”

The father thought some and said, “OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy.

Let’s say that I’m a capitalist because I’m the breadwinner.
Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?”

The little boy said, “Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what you said.”

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother’s crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, “Dad, I think I understand politics much better now.”

“Excellent, my boy,” he answered, “What have you learned?”

The little boy thought for a minute and said, “I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future’s full of crap.”

From a document submitted and published in the Congressional Record on October 1, 1974, by Representative Craig Hosmer[R-California]. The author chose to remain anonymous.

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

Republicans consume three fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.

Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.

Democrats give their worn out clothes to those less fortunate.
Republicans wear theirs.

Republicans employ exterminators.
Democrats step on the bugs.

Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers.

Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.

Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful.
Neither are Republicans.

Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should.
Democrats ought to, but don’t.

Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper.
Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.

Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.

Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows.
Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.

Democrats eat the fish they catch.
Republicans hang them on the wall.

Republican boys date Democratic girls.
They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they’re entitled to a little fun first.

Democrats make plans and then do something else.
Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

Republicans sleep in twin beds–some even in separate rooms.
That is why there are more Democrats.

Bill Clinton and Hillary were travelling in a car.

They stopped at a filling station. They saw Hillary’s young lover there. Bill said to hillary if you were still with him, you were the wife of a filling station owner.

Hillary said ” NO! Then he would be the president of United States”

What’s the simiarity between Clinton and a carpenter?

One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart!

The Barber

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got
his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No
charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer
books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He
then asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider
it a service to the community.”

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and
a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked
how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a
service to the country.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators
in front of the door.