A man called to testify at the Revenue Canada, (Canada’s IRS) asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. “Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.

“Let me tell you a story,” replied the Priest. “A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.’ But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.”

The man protested: “What does all this have to do with my problem with the Revenue Canada?!”

“Simple”, replied the Priest…”It doesn’t matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!”

Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold a real Genie appeared.

Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, “Nope…not these days…I’m only giving out 1 wish because of inflation. So…what’ll be?”

Bill didn’t hesitate. He said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.”

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Are you crazy! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good but I’m not THAT good. I don’t think it can be done. So make another wish.”

Bill thought for a minute and said, “You know, people really don’t like my wife. They think she’s a real witch and ugly as sin. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That’s what I want!”

The Genie thought for a minute and said, “Hmmmmm. Lemme see that map again.”

One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office.

He was very furious and said, “Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!”

Yes Sir, Mr. President,” the interior decorator replies.
“I’ll take those mirrors out right away!”

Q: Why did Bill Clinton quit playing the saxaphone?

A: Because he went to the hormonica!

When the AirForce 1 prepares to land, the Captain speaks over the intercom:

“The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position.”