The Secret Service has been worried by Bill Clinton’s practice of taking early morning jogs.

They got a real scare the other day when somebody threw a beer at the president.

Fortunately, it turned out to have been a draft, and Clinton was able to dodge it.

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992′s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.

Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. “Who are they?” he asked.

“Ah,” said Yeltsin, “those are our economists!”

“But I thought this parade was military…” said Clinton, confused.

“Mr. Clinton,” said Gorbachev, “have you SEEN the damage those men can do?”

A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, “Little boy, what are you doing?”

The boy replied, “I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister.”

Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, “Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?”

The boy answered, “Oh no Mister, I can’t make Bill Clinton.”

“But why not?” asked the man.

The boy replied “Well, Mister, there isn’t enough here to make Bill Clinton.”

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket.

Bill says: “Let’s do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver.” They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter.

“It’s me, Bill Clinton”.

“What bad things did you do on Earth?”

Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had some affairs, but you couldn’t hold that against me because no one called them affairs! And I lied, but I didn’t commit perjury.”

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, “OK, here’s the deal. We’ll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won’t call it ‘Hell.’ You’ll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won’t call it ‘eternity.’ Don’t ‘abandon all hope’ upon entering but don’t hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over.”