We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here’s a small list…

If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she’s holding in her lap while driving,
she blames the restaurant.

If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors,
you blame the rock ‘n’ roll music or musician he liked.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.

If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.

If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty,
you blame the government for not providing clean ones.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.

I guess I’ll just never understand the world as it is anymore…
So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer while sending you this joke – I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

“How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on Osama’s knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams – “this is not what I was promised!”

An angel replies “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you…
What the hell did you think I said?

The Taliban’s Fall TV Line-up

MONDAYS:
8:00 – “Husseinfeld”
8:30 – “Mad About Everything”
9:00 – “Suddenly Sanctions”
9:30 – “The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show”
10:00 – “Allah McBeal”

TUESDAYS:
8:00 – “Wheel of Terror and Fortune”
8:30 – “The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right”
9:00 – “Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things”
9:30 – “Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers”
10:00 – “Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer”

WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 – “U.S. Military Secrets Revealed”
8:30 – “Bowling For Food”
9:00 – “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread”
9:30 – “Just Shoot Everyone”
10:00 – “Veilwatch”

THURSDAYS:
8:00 – “Matima Loves Chachi”
8:30 – “M*U*S*T*A*S*H”
9:00 – “Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils”
9:30 – “My Two Baghdads”
10:00 – “Diagnosis: Heresy”

FRIDAYS:
8:00 – “Judge Laden”
8:30 – “Funniest Super 8 Home Movies”
9:00 – “Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionare”
9:30 – “Achmeds Creek”
10:00 – “No-witness News”

An old man is sitting at a table with his son and his new grandson.

The old man looks at his son and asks…
“Son, have you found out what that boy of yers is gonna be yet when he grows up?”

The man curls his eyebrows and asks “huh?”
The old man gets up and says “wait right here.”

About five minutes pass and the old man comes back with a bottle of beer, some poker playing cards, and a bible.

The old man lines up the three items in front of the infant and looks at the man and says:

” Ok, here’s how it works…
If the boy grabs the beer he’s gonna be a drunk.
If he grabs the cards he’s gonna be a gambler.
If he grabs the bible he’s gonna be a preacher.”

The baby stares at the items for a moment.
He then reaches out and grabs all three items.

The old man shouts…
“HOT DANG SON – HE’S A DEMOCRAT!”

From David Letterman and the Late Show…

Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Doesn’t Give A Damn

10. Called Russia asking if they need a new spy
9. When people whisper, “Your fly is open,” he says, “Yeah, I know”
8. Shoplifts at will, gives finger to security camera
7. If you asked what he had for breakfast and he actually had waffles, he’ll say “pancakes” just for the fun of lying
6. He’s no longer just fat — he’s now Hugh Rodham fat
5. “Tubby” is selling a copy of the Declaration of Indepence on eBay
4. Doesn’t even bother to buy high-quality cigars anymore
3. Recently introduced Playboy playmate as “my lovely wife”
2. Refers to Chappaqua mansion as “the house that dirty pardon money built”
1. Sits in the back of Al Gore’s journalism class screaming, “Loser!”