A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realises that it’s his daughter’s birthday and he has not bought her a gift.

So he stops at a toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie.

Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl how much the Barbie’s are.

The girl responds:

“Which one? We have:”

Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95

Volleyball Barbie: $19.95

Shopping Barbie: $19.95

Surfer Barbie: $19.95

Disco Barbie: $19.95

and Divorced Barbie: $299.99

Shocked, the man asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie $299.95 when all the other Barbie’s are $19.95?”

Exasperated, the girl responds:

“Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken’s Car
Ken’s House
Ken’s Boat
Ken’s Furniture
Ken’s Jewellery
Ken’s Money
Ken’s Computer, and
Ken’s Best Friend…

One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says.

“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60.”

“That’s still too expensive,” the man says.

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20.”

“Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.”

“Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10.”

“Marvelous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. Read More…

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!! Read More…

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong ones.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female, because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.