A little old man was escorted into the witness box. After being sworn in, the lawyer asked him to explain what happened. After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident, he finally got around to the meat of the case.

“…and then she hit me with a maple leaf.”

“Surely that couldn’t have caused you any serious injury?” said the lawyer.

“Are you kidding?” exclaimed the old man. “It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table.”

One morning Bobby’s mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S & M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.

Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle this situation.

Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, “Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question.”

A husband and wife are watching “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,” and the husband winks and says, “Honey, let’s go upstairs…”

The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.

So the husband says, “Is that your final answer?” The wife says yes.

The husband says, “Well, can I phone a friend?”

A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.

An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were alright. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.
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A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things – condoms and dramamine, since the man gets terrible motion sickness on ships.

So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise, and the man goes in to get the necessary supplies. He walked up to the counter with a plenty-pack of condoms and asked for the largest bottle of Dramamine available.

The pharmacist looked at him for a second and then asked, “If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?”