Nowhere, Vermont

Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.

After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, “Names Enoch…your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday…thought you’d like to come.”

“Great,” replies Sam. “After six months of living like this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me.”

As Enoch is leaving, he stops. “Gotta warn you, though, there’s gonna be some drinkin’.” “Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them.”

Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. “More ‘n likely gonna be some fightin’, too.” Tough crowd, Sam thinks to himself. “Well, I get along with people. Don’t worry, I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again, Enoch turns from the door, “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.” “Now that is not a problem,” Sam says. “I’ve been up here all alone for six long months. I’ll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?”

Enoch stops in the doorway one last time and says… “Whatever you want. Just gonna be the 2 of us there.”

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Arky said to the doctor “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.”

So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…” at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental down
to New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck.

The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, “What are
those thangs?” The driver says, “Those are golf tees”.

The redneck asks, “What those are for?” The driver says “Those hold
my balls when I drive.”

The redneck says, “Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come with
everythang!”

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.

He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season pass?