A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to ear.

“Twice a day,” the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man said no. “Once a day, then?” Again the answer was no. “Twice a week?”

“No.”

“Twice a month?”

“No.”

When the doctor asked, “Once a year?” the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadnt worked with this individual, and he asked the man, “What the heck are you so happy about?”

The man answered, “Tonight’s the night!”

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. “One day we should get her for this,” said the first boy. ”

I agree. We’ll grab her…” said the second.

“Yeah,” said the third. “And then we’ll kick her in the nuts!”

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements. He told her, “Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your nipples and say, ‘Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies.’ ”

She did this every day faithfully. After several months, it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning she was running late, and in her rush to leave for work, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her boobs and didn’t want to lose them, so she got up in the middle of the bus and said, “Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies.”

A guy sitting nearby asked her, “Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?”

“Why yes, I do. How did you know?”

The man stood up and cupped his balls and said, “Hickory dickory dock…”

HOW TO SAY, “I LOVE YOU” IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English . . . . . . . . . .I Love You

Spanish . . . . . . .. . Te Amo

French . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime

German . . . . . . . . . .lch Liebe Dich

Japanese . . . . . . .. .Ai Shite Imasu

Italian . . . . . . . . . .. Ti Amo

Chinese . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni

Swedish . . . . . . . . . .Jag Alskar

Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia, Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky: … Nice Tits!

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor

I work at great depths

I plunge head first into everything I do

I do not get weekends off or public holidays

I work in a damp environment

I don’t get paid overtime

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight

You fall asleep on the job after brief work period

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

You’ll retire well before reaching 65

You’re unable to work double shifts

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day’s work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management