To describe a relationship, let’s use 2 people. (you didn’t expect this approach, did you?) We can call them Mariana and Dominic. These two dark-haired sexy Spaniards have a natural attraction to each other. When they want to be together, what is this called? A relationship! In the human process, it is the male who puts on the first move. If the woman accepts the grunting beast of which is Dominic, she will take him. Which she better. If not, she will move onto another tribe and try her luck elsewhere.
A young man has a great date planned with a hot chick, unfortunately heÂ’s also got a bad case of gas. Upon arriving at the girlÂ’s house to pick her up, he meets the parents and waits for her in the living room while she finishes getting ready.
At this point his stomach is turning and heÂ’s doing the best he can to hold his gas. This is some serious stuff too, beer and beef burrito farts – the stuff dreams are made of. Luckily, just before he was about to explode Spot, the family dog, jumps on his lap as he sits on the couch. He figures itÂ’s safe to let out alittle bit of the pressure and and if anyone notices theyÂ’ll think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks to himself, “Thank God! They think the dog did it.” Seizing the opportunity, he lets out another fart and the woman, again, yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a few more farts when, finally, the woman yells loudly, “Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you!”
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way.
This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do.
When a man volunteers to do the cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:
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The woman goes to the store and buys the food.
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The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
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The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a soda.
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The man places the meat on the grill.
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The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
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The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is done.
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The man takes the meat off the grill and puts it on a plate for the woman.
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The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
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After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
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The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off from cooking?” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.
A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said: Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.
He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: “Grandma, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced His family.
