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One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at “makeout point.” Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.

“Excuse me, son” said the cop, “but how old are the two of you?”

“I’m eighteen, sir, and” (checking his watch another time) “in ten more minutes, she’ll be eighteen too!”

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”

The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.

“Well,” the doctor continued, “let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

“How did it go?” the doctor asked.

“Terribly, doctor, terribly.”

“Did it not work?”

“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”

“Then what is the problem, ma’am?”

“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”

George comes home very late, and very drunk, and his wife is waiting for him at the door. She says, “You’ve been out fucking around, haven’t you?”

He says, “Nope.”

She says, “Then explain the lipstick on your shirt.”

He says, “That’s easy. I used my shirt to wipe off my dick.”

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to

go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the

jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, “Oh

dad, there’s one.”

“No,” said the father. “There’s not enough meat on that one to

even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait.”

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The

son said, “Hey dad, he’s plenty big enough.”

“No,” the father said. “We’d all die of a heart attack from the

fat in that one. We’ll just wait.”

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous

woman. The son said, “Now there’s nothing wrong with that

one dad. Let’s eat her.”

“No,” said the father. “We’ll not eat her either.”

“Why not?” asked the son.

“Because, we’re going to take her back alive and eat your

mother.”