Pamela Anderson buys a box of laundry detergent, and it says on the box, “20 uses”. A day later, she calls the laundry detergent company and says” I bought your product and the box says ’20 uses’, but all it does is my laundry!

As she lay back her muscles tightened. She put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refused to be swayed as he approached her. He asked if she was afraid and she shook her head bravely. He has had more experience,
but it’s the first time his fingers have found the right place.

He probed deeply and she shivered; her body tensed; but he was gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looked deeply within her eyes and told her to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxed her and she opened wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. She began to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly took his time, wanting to cause her as little pain as possible. As he pressed
closer, going deeper, she felt the tissue give way; pain surging throughout her body and she felt the slight trickle of blood as he continued. He looked at her concerned and asked if it’s too painful. Her eyes were filled with tears but she shook her head and nodded for him to go on. He began going in and out with skill but she was too numb to feel him within her.

After a few moments, she felt something bursting within her and he pulled it out of her, she lay panting, glad to have it over. He looked at her and smiling warmly, told her, with a chuckle; that she had been his most stubborn
yet most rewarding experience.

She smiled and thanked the dentist. After all, it was Jessica Alba’s first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin’?

Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice:
The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure.
One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers.
Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

A guy has one arm and decides he doesn’t want to go on with life, not being able to do the things other guys can do with two arms. So, he goes up to the 20th story of a building and is trying to build up the nerve to jump. As he’s standing there a guy comes walking on the sidewalk below.

The one-armed man notices that this other guy has NO arms at all. He watches as the guy stops on the sidewalk and starts dancing and spinning in circles. The one-armed man thinks to himself how selfish he is that he has one arm and is ready to end it all! So, he decides to go down and talk to the No-armed man.

He goes down and walks up to the guy and says, “Hey man!I’ve been up on the 20th floor considering to end it all because I have only One arm. Here you are with No arms and are dancing around. What’s your deal?”

The guy with No arms says,“Arrrrr, dude I’m NOT happy! My nose itches!!!”