Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s latest song?
A: “Don’t let your son go down on me.”
Rumor has it that Michael Jackson is in Switzerland undergoing cosmetic surgery on his pecker.
Then the description the California Justice Dept got from the little boy won’t fit anymore.
Another rumor has it that he’s finally going all the way and changing gender entirely.
Michael Jackson first wanted to look like Diana Ross, then a white person, now he wants to be A ROMAN CATHOLIC PRIEST.
Q: What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Little Boy Blew.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson.
Q: What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?
A: “The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!”
Q: What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him going down the road?
A: “I’ll be there!”
If you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That’s why it is 14 minutes long.
Q: What is Michael Jackson’s favorite gospel song?
A: “And then he touched me”
I just bought a new car stereo… When you shout out “Soul”, it plays soul music. When you shout out “Rock”, it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted “fucking kids!”, and it played Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson’s found a way to stymie that L.A. search warrant:
He’s invited Lorena Bobbitt over.
Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?
A: Several children have fingered him.
Q: How will MJ pay off his old boyfriends?
A: Liquefy some assets.
Q: Why doesn’t Micheal have orgasms?
A: The big payoff comes a couple of months later.
Q: Why does Michael like children so much?
A: He knows how they feel.
Q: How did Michael get in trouble?
A: He was feeling a little Randy.
Q: How is Michael dealing with his problems?
A: He’s holding his own.
Q: How are Michael’s friends dealing with the problem?
A: They’re all standing behind him.
Q: What psychological problem does Michael still suffer from?
A: Anal retention.
Q: How is Michael now?
A: Feeling a little crotchety.
Q: Why does Micheal Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys?
A: He likes to come in a little behind.
Q: What was the big break in the Micheal Jackson molestation case?
A: A doctor did a rectal exam of one of the boys bringing charges and found
… a white glove.
Q: What is the most difficult thing to get out of little boys underwear?
A: Michael Jackson’s makeup!
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW! OW! OW!
Q: How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
A: Pizza and Nintendo.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date?
A: Boys ‘R Us.
Q: What does Michael call an orgy?
A: A fruit salad.
Q: What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A: It’s the little boy inside him.
Q: Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?
A: Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.
Q: What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common?
A: Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands.
Q: Who was the unmanned recon airplane the Predator named for?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q: What’s “black-white” and purple?
A: Michael Jackson’s dick after a slumber party with a bunch of 6 year olds.
Q: How do you know when it’s bedtime at the Jackson residence?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand…
Q: What is Michael Jackson’s favorite game to play at night?
A: Hide the pickle in the pajamas.
Q: What child’s game does Michael NOT allow to be played at his Neverland ranch?
A: Got your nose! Put it back!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common?
A: They both like a little crack now and then.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson Check into the Betty Ford clinic?
A: To get over his 11 year crack habit.
Q: Why does Michael really need to go to rehab?
A: He’s a crack addict.
Q: What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
A: You know, I feel like a new boy!
Q: Why doesn’t Michael sleep with boys anymore?
A: He’s tired of all the cracks.
Q: What’s the first problem the Michael’s child will have in life?
A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Q: What happens when Michael talks about sex?
A: It’s all very tongue in cheek.
Q: What’s sex like for Michael?
A: Child’s Play.
Q: What’s the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
A: Well, one’s an artificial piece of trash that can harm little children,
and the other is used to hold groceries.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A: A fridge doesn’t toot after you take your meat out of it!
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a microwave?
A: A microwave won’t brown your meat!
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A: Acne doesn’t come on your face until you’re about fifteen.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a ghost?
A: One is completely white and has a scary face. The other is a supernatural being.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
A: Michael’s been able to have kids.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Nixon?
A: One was a consummate asshole, the other a consummated asshole.
Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A: So his guests won’t be accompanied by guardians!
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson’s New Book?
A: It’s called “The In’s and Out’s of Child Rearing”.
Q: What’s Michael’s favorite Canadian TV show?
A: The Kids in the Hall.
Q: What will they call Michael’s new TV series?
A: Anus and Andy.
Q: Why has Michael been appearing on children’s shows lately?
A: He has a lot to plug.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson late for the circus?
A: He couldn’t get the stains out of his clown suit.
Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?
A: Yeah, she’s gonna do all the handicapping and he’s gonna ride all the three-year-olds!
Q: What do second place race horses and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They both come in a little behind.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker have in common?
A: Both ride 4 year olds.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Mick Dittman?
A: Mick Dittman DOES have a license to ride 4 year olds.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a racing jockey?
A: A jockey can mount three year olds legally.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and the PLO?
A: The PLO pulled out of Jordan.
Q: What do Micheal Jackson and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both pulled out of Jordan.
Q: What’s the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?
A: Richard Pryor got burnt on coke, Michael Jackson got burnt on Pepsi!
Q: Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started?
A: It’s called the Ignited Negro College Fund.
Q: Why’s Michael cutting down on public appearances?
A: He wants to spend more time with the kids.
Q: Who’s happy when Michael Jackson gets a boy to stay over?
A: Bubbles.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A: He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he’d join in.
Q: Heard about Michael Jackson’s new songs?
A: I’m forever blowing bubbles!
Q: Why is Michael Jackson’s album new entitled “Bad”?
A: Because he couldn’t spell “Pathetic”.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson grounded?
A: He was “Bad”.
Q: What did Michael Jackson do when his hair caught on fire?
A: He “Beat-it!”
Q: How do we know Michael Jackson is ready to release another album?
A: He has a lot of stuff in the can.
Q: Who will Michael record his next album with?
A: Les Brown.
Q: Which chips does Michael Jackson like to munch on?
A: O’Boysies.
Q: Where does Michael Jackson write his songs for the kids?
A: In his tanning salon.
Q: How do you neuter Michael Jackson?
A: Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song.
Q: What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
Q: Where is Michael Jackson’s other glove?
A: In Brooke Shields’ pants.
Q: What would you call Michael Jackson if he slept with another 20 or 30 young boys?
A: Monsigneur.
Q: How will they ensure that Michael gets a thorough body search?
A: Hire a Catholic priest to do it.
Q: What do Michael and Catholic school nuns have in common?
A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a proctologist?
A: A proctologist doesn’t pay for the assholes he’s poked around in.
Q: Why did Pepsi sign up Michael Jackson for their ads?
A: Because he likes the taste of a new generation.
Q: Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
A: Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson fail to renew his contract with Pepsi?
A: Because he found out that the main ingredient was Bubbles!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson put cheese on his willy?
A: Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairy Lea!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and broccoli have in common?
A: Both are force fed to little boys.
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson marrying Lisa-Marie Presley?
A: If Elvis were dead, he’d turn over in his grave.
Q: What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A: “Boy, that’s a relief. I though she married a black guy!”
Q: What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he popped her
the question?
A: “Yes, I’ll marry you. But promise me one thing… NO KIDS!”
Q: What was Michael Jackson thinking about on his wedding night?
A: Hmmm, now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A: About two dress sizes!!!
Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A: Got two fives for a ten?
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a mail-order catalogue.
What is the title of Michael Jackson’s New Book?
“Penetrating the Secrets of Children”.
When Michael Jackson throws a party, what do his guests drive?
Tricycles.
Why did Michael Jackson rush to the discount store?
The ad said: “Boys’ pants, half-off!”
Why is Mr. Potato Head jealous of Michael Jackson?
Michael Jackson has had more noses.
What time is bed time at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand is on the little hand.
What do Michael Jackson and a jockey both ride?
Three year olds.
What is the worst stain on a small boy’s underwear?
Michael Jackson’s rouge.
Why does Michael Jackson disappear for a couple hours after one of his little friends leaves?
It takes that long to get the bubble gum off his dick.
What did the male sunbather shout at Michael Jackson?
Get out of my son!
What is Michael Jackson’s ideal a perfect 10?
Two five year olds.
Why did Michael Jackson want his own boy?
The rent is $2,000,000 each.
What repulsive thing can be found in a baby diaper?
Michael Jackson’s hand.
What’s black, has a strong odor, and comes in small cans?
Michael Jackson.
Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
He was seen with a little squirt in his mouth.
Why were Michael Jackson’s pants so small?
They belonged to somebody else.
What caused Michael Jackson’s problem?
He felt little Randy.
Why does Michael Jackson relate so well to children?
He knows how they feel.
What did Michael Jackson exclaim when he say he returned from the health spa?
I feel like a new boy.
Where does Michael Jackson look for dates?
Boys ‘R Us.
Why does Michael Jackson have a tough guy reputation?
He has licked every kid possible.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Mets have in common?
A: They’re both walking around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason whatsoever!!
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in !!
Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
A: He heard boys’ pants were half-off !!
Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!!
Q: What’s white and in Michael Jackson’s pocket?
A: His other hand !!
Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy !!
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house!!
Q: Heard about Michael Jackson’s new songs?
A: I’m forever blowing bubbles!
Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A: So his guests won’t be accompanied by guardians!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: They’re both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns!
Q:Why isn’t all the controversy bothering Michael?
A:He doesn’t mind reaching bottom.
Q:What’s Michael’s favorite Canadian TV show?
A:The Kids in the Hall.
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect “10″?
A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson’s pants so small?
A: Because they aren’t his!
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s toaster?
A: The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.
Q: What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?
A: Blowing his first nose.
Q: What’s the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?
A: Richard Pryor got burnt on coke, Michael Jackson got burnt on
Pepsi!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Michael said to Debbie one night, “I fancy some
entertainment, what shall we do?”.
To which Debbie replied ” I know we’ll get a video”.
Michael then said ” Great, Ill get Aladdin”.
Debbie said speedily “No Michael, You have been
in trouble for that before”
Q: What’s black and comes in little white cans?
A: Michael Jackson
Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A: Michael Jackson.
Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. — you know in a few years
they’ll probably change his name to:
The Child Formerly Known as Michael Jackson’s Baby
Q: What do Michael Jackson & Michael Jordan have in common?
A: They both play ball in the Minor League.
Q: What’s the difference between them?
A: One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson relieved of his Cub Scout Leader duties?
A: He was up to a pack a day.
Q: What does Michael have in common with NASA?
A: It’s been 25 years since his first moon landing.
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he’ll have no choice but to make him a priest.
Q: How do we know Michael Jackson is ready to release another album?
A: He has a lot of stuff in the can.
Q: Who will Michael record his next album with?
A: Les Brown.
Q: Why doesn’t Michael sleep with boys anymore?
A: He’s tired of all the cracks.
Q: Did you know they’re putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?
A: Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael and a proctologist?
A: A proctologist doesn’t pay for the assholes he’s poked around in.
`Hear about the new “Michael Jackson” candy bar?
~It’s made from white chocolate, and contains no nuts.
Michael Jackson and Woody Allen on “Child Psychology”:
“Spare the rod, and spoil the child.”
`What is Michael Jackson’s Alma Matter?
~Bring-em Young.
`Did you hear about the duet by Michael Jackson and Elton John?
~It is titled “Don’t let your son go down on me.”
`What’s the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
~Michael Jackson has had more noses.
`Why did Michael invite MacCauly Caulkin to the house?
~He’s like the little boy he never had.
`Why does Michael really need to go to rehab?
~He’s a crack addict.
`Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?
~Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.
`How did Michael get in trouble?
~He was feeling a little Randy.
`How is Michael dealing with his problems?
~He’s holding his own.
`How are Michael’s friends dealing with the problem?
~They’re all standing behind him.
`How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?
~It was just a slip of the tongue.
`What’s sex like for Michael?
~Child’s Play.
`Hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?
~It comes in a little can.
`Why does Michael like children so much?
~He knows how they feel.
`How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
~By all the Big Wheels in his driveway.
`What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a Plastic bag?
~One is made out of plastic and is dangerous for kids to play with
and one is used to carry groceries.
`Did you hear Michael Jackson was running a “blue-light” special
at a local K-Mart?
~Little boys’ pants were half off!
`What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
~It’s the little boy inside him.
`How does Michael like to party?
~He sips a couple of Tall Boys.
`What’s Michael’s favorite snack?
~Slim Jims.
`What’s Michael’s favorite fast food?
~Big Boys.
`What’s the new movie about Michael Jackson called?
~”The Hand that Robs the Cradle.”
McDonald’s is bringing out a new burger …”Micheal Jackson Burger”…
It has 35 yr old meat inside 5 yr old buns.
What are Michael Jackson’s favorite sayings?
1) There’s a sucker born every minute.
2) Kids do the darndest things.
3) Tricks are for kids.
`What’s sex like for Michael?
~Like candy from a baby.
`What’s Michael’s favorite dish?
~Creamed shrimp.
`Why’s Michael cutting down on public appearances?
~He wants to spend more time with the kids.
`How will they ensure that Michael gets a thorough body search?
~Hire a Catholic priest to do it.
`What will they call the upcoming movie about Michael Jackson?
~”The African Queen.”
Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman are have come out with a
new video called… “I’ll beat it for you.”
`Why did Michael Jackson want to join the Branch Davidians?
~So he could be black again.
`How does Michael Jackson resemble the Cincinatti Reds?
~They’re both whiter than they should be.
